Through the PhD Program Process

I figured it might be a good idea to get some thoughts down as I go through the acceptance/rejection of graduate programs.

I found out today that I did not get into Ohio State. While I wasn't super thrilled about their program, I wanted it to have the option. I wanted to know that I could go be at school with Dave. While that wasn't how I would pick a program, I wanted to know that it WAS an option.

I still have 8 schools I'm waiting for, but decisions are coming much faster than I first thought. Apparently people have heard from University of Chicago, San Diego, and Virginia already. I haven't. I'm not sure how to take that yet, but it probably isn't a very good sign. Yes, I've become masochistic and I'm obsessively checking my online applications and gradcafe.com to see when other people hear and how.

Based on some things I've seen and read, I'm most worried about my GRE scores. Which just makes me more angry because standardized test scores tell nothing! They tell how much you make and how well you can take a test (and how you understand certain questions which are framed in a certain way to favor certain people)! Is taking a test the most important part of a graduate degree? Not really...

I knew I should've been afraid of not getting in anywhere...

Confidence in the face of adversity

In a divergance from my politically-motivated posts as of late, I'm going back to my self-critique/personal thoughts on matters that have been bothering me.

I read on a friend's facebook status the quote: "After hardship comes ease..." and it caused a flare-up of anger in me (which was followed by a good dose of Catholic guilt). My life, I thought, has been hard, dreadfully hard the last three years especially, and where is my ease? I was bitter too, because said friend was recently awarded the PPIA Fellowship and is a finalist for the Truman Scholarship (and my bet for the GA award), both scholarships that I also applied for. What hardship have you faced? I thought bitterly and angerily.

Then again, I chided myself, what hardship have I faced?

So I thought to myself: My family survived Hurrican Andrew; I've been through a divorce; I hardly got into any colleges; I have to practically beg for money from my Uncle to pay for college; I've applied to God knows how many scholarships and received only some small ones that help fund a specific program or for a year only; and my dreams feel like they're being crushed after not being asked for an interview for Truman.

Truman was especially difficult because of how many people thought I had a shot at it. In fact, one Professor told me, after I figured out I was not being interview, that "they made a mistake" in not choosing me as a Finalist. I look at the work that some of the Finalists have done and I think that I have done just as much worthy things. It is a balance between egotism and self-hatred. One minute, I know I'm awesome; the next, I wonder if I'm joking myself because no one seems to agree with me (other then the resiquite family and friends).

Is it awful of me to want some law school, older truman scholars, etc. looking at my application and say "Wow. Here's someone that has a dream. Here's someone that's on their way to that dream of being a great public servant"?

It's killing me that no one is saying that though. Unless you know me, then you're a fan. But how do I get people to know me? An essay? A resume?

The point being...I feel guilty for thinking that my life has been a hardship at all, just because I didn't get some scholarships? Sure, I may have to work through grad school, I may have to take out more loans, I may have to wait a few years...but is that a hardship? Maybe it's my hardship, but it certainly does not compare to what the women in Africa are going through, what the people in Haiti are going through, what the women that I heard from this week for International Women of Courage have gone through.

I have a loving family, I have a government that doesn't kidnap people (well, the vast majority of people) in the middle of the night and torture them. I have family that is willing to help me pay for college. I have people supporting my dreams.

Shouldn't that be good enough?

I hope that I can keep having the strength to lift up my bat and swing away at that ball. One day, maybe far, far away, I'll hit a home run and people will realize my talent.

Ultra-Conservatives are Ultra-Stupid

CPAC is meeting once again.

The article says so itself: this used to be where the ultra-right came together every year. Now, it's where any Republican who wants a chance to preen himself can go and speak - and the majority of them do.

My biggest upset with this whole thing is absolutely how ridiculous the Conservatives are becoming in my eyes. As I said in my previous post, they are pushing me further from their ideals because they ARE the "party of no." All I see is them sitting there, preening, talking nothing, and attacking the Presidency. I don't like Congress. I don't think government has all the answers. But they are just being riduclous and self-congragulatory. I hope they get demolished in the prelims and election season because they deserve another kick to their egos.

These couple of paragraphs, quotes from speakers, anger me the most:
"'Before we move away from this 'no' epithet the Democrats are fond of applying to us, let's ask the Obama folks why they say no -- no to a balanced budget (Comment: Wait, didn't the President set up a nonpartisan, third-party committee to balance the budget by 2012? Yeah, that seems like a "no" to me to Romney.) , no to reforming entitlements, no to malpractice reform, no to missile defense in Eastern Europe (This has to do with diplomacy and power in the international realm - something Republicans REFUSE to understand.) , no to prosecuting Khalid Sheik Mohammed in a military tribunal (It's a thing called "human rights," unfortuently, and we signed the Geneva Convention on it. Again, world politics.), and no to tax cuts that create new jobs. (Did you even listen to the State of the Union, Romney?) '
...
"After distancing himself from the Bush administration during his 2008 campaign, Romney on Thursday defended the Bush-Cheney record, drawing hearty applause from the audience.(hypocrite.) "I am convinced that history will judge President Bush far more kindly,"(not if my generation is writing it.) he said, adding: "He kept us safe.(except for that 9/11 attack and not capturing Osama Bin Laden, right? I felt so much safer back then, you're right...) I respect his silence even in the face of the assaults on his record that come from this administration. But at the same time, I also respect the loyalty and indefatigable defense of truth that comes from our 'I-don't-give-a-damn' vice president Dick Cheney.(Dick Cheney is an idiot when it comes to world politics and international affairs. He's a neo-conservatists, which just means to me that he likes war for the sake of war. Preemption, the fall of human rights, and expansionism isn't what I like. I don't give a damn about him.)"

/endrant

Conservatives v. Liberals: Which side are you on?

It's articles like these that make me more angry with the conservative side than with the liberal side.

I always think of myself as an independent, and I really don't care much about domestic politics considering I'm more interested in foreign affairs. But these articles push me to considering myself a liberal. There are some things that the conservatives say, that I agree with. And I certainly don't agree with everything liberals say.

But it's hard to ignore politics when you're in the nation's capitol.

I feel like the more I hear conservatives talk, the more I hear their bitterness over the fact that they aren't in the White House, the more I hear them just block things because a Democrat is saying it. Maybe I'm not hearing about the opposite direction, but I feel like the Democrats are trying to reach out, are trying to do things. But the Republicans are just blocking things, just stalling things. I'm frustrated with them because I don't even understand why! Why are they doing these things and saying these things? Is it really that it isn't for the good of the country or because they're temper-tantrum throwing children?

I'm really just tired of it all. I'm tired of Fox News thinking they're non-partisan when they are so obviously conservative. I'm tired of all the useless squabble between these two sides. But there's no way in hell I'm joining that stupid Tea Party. Sarah Palin is so ridiculously stupid, it's hard to believe that she's anything. I do not think she's a powerful female voice. I think she gives some men their proof that women just can't think. And she was an awful politician.

I'm just ticked and tired.

DC snow is the best snow of all

I'm not sure how much this post is actually going to talk about snow or DC or anything that I've done for the past year (well, for March through July of 2009, see my other blog Travels in Time). I may just rant, I may make sense. Who knows.

I found out, in rapid succession, that two people I knew in high school (one of them asked me out, the other is a girl) are engaged. Planning weddings. I don't know why I find it so crazy. I think mostly it's that I'm jealous, or afraid in some way. But I feel so young! I mean, I'm not even 21 yet! And some of these people engaged are younger than me! I would not want to get married before I could order liquor.

But Dave and I have been dating for more than 5 years now. And now he might be going to Ohio State for a PhD program in Linguistics. It's a great opportunity. Fully funded for five years. But I'm not going to Ohio. It's just about the worst place for me to go. There's really nothing IA/FSO related in Ohio. And it's still a good 5 hours from DC. We could only do that trip once a month - maybe. If we're not broke poor.

But can I ask Dave to give up what's best for him to be with me? And what if we did get engaged?

It really doesn't matter - there are more important things. Aren't there?

Like all this work to do. I have "On War" to finish for tomorrow's Grand Strategy meeting. Individual research to delve deeper into from last semester. Journals for one class. Readings for another (though I could get away with no reading them if I needed to). 6 more economics lessons left (though I have until September to finish it). Fellowships. Scholarships. Internships. Summer. Fall.

Goodness, too much to do. Always for me. I'm going to be one of those 24/7 work types - which, if I'm doing what I want to be doing, would be the time of my life. Kind of sucks for my personal life though.

I guess we'll see, won't we blog?

Nothing But Nets Campaign

So on Feb. 9th, I donated $10 towards a bed net to help a refugee in Kenya. I couldn't not do it. They needed so many nets, and even if I'm going away and need all the money I could get, I could save a life!

I got an e-mail today from Nothing But Nets thanking me so much for my help. It was a little uplifting. To think I could have helped save someone. Or if not save them, at least make them a little more comfortable.

Find a charity, and try and give some of your Time, Talent, or Treasure. It's a rewarding experience, to say the least.

Some good ones:
Nothing But Nets
Invisible Children
Promote Africa
Habitat for Humanity
Resolve Uganda
This Is Reality
The We Campaign : RePower America
World Vision

If you have anymore, please feel free to share them.

Pro/Con

Living On-campus
Pros:
Location - especially right in front of busstop
Easier for Uncle Jack to pay - lump sum
Easier for study-abroad (no sub-leasing)


Cons:
No one on-campus
More expensive
"do whatever you want off-campus"
Don't get stove/washer/dryer
Less space
No refridgerator



Living Off-campus
Cons:
Transportation sucks
Probably have full-term lease/need to find subleaser