I think my grandmother's passed on as I write this. At 9:30, it was said she had about an hour left. My Ma was hysterical, and I just felt bad that I wasn't with her. She was at work and left from there. I didn't have my phone on me so I missed her call about picking me up.

I didn't see her. My Ma didn't force me too. I think I would've had a panic attack. I just can't take hospitals. I don't want to remember her like that.

But I'm afraid I feel guilty...or I feel like I should be more upset.

I just feel tired.

Dave left for France this morning at 6:00. I didn't cry that much. But it's making more tired. And I know that it's going to be hard...

This all is.