I am at once stressed, excited; nervous, but happy. I have so much going for me, and I can see that. When I'm not swamped; drowning in my own work. And there's a lot of it.
People keep telling me " why are you doing so much?" But I just don't feel like I'm doing enough. Have I found the wrong clubs, the wrong major? Is that why I'm not truly fulfilled, because I'm not in the right area...but that can't be it. Because when I think about it, I know that this is what I'm supposed to do. What I want to do.
I get to spend Mom's birthday with her tomorrow, and that makes me very happy. I also finished my new proposal, which I'm excited about (I have my HEART behind it). I am half-way through the next chapter in history, and I actually DID my philosophy homework instead of in class.
However, I have a Chinese Test tomorrow. Luckily, I have all day tomorrow to work on it. During classes (yeah, I shouldn't do that...); I'm going to study instead of go to work tomorrow; and getting up early to study. I have some of the the workbook to finish too, but it's only some translations, and not even a lot of those. I'll probably do that tonight before hopping into bed.
I need to keep praying to God that I'm on the right track, and to give me strength. I know that I can do this, that I do better as the semester goes along, and that I can get the MidTerm.
I just keep getting so scared too. Scared enough that it's hard to breathe sometimes.
25 September 2008
11 September 2008
One month in...
Well, not quite. We're about 5 days shy now of the "month" marker. But it is the start of the 4th week. Wow. Back already for a month? How time flys!
I'm already starting to get stressed. Frazzled. A least around the edges. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Dave, or Shannon for that matter. She's my best friend now. Well, save Dave. But he doesn't count.
The lady at the dining hall asked where my "shadow" was this morning. I was utterly confused for a minute and then smiled and said that he had overslept and that I was alone this morning. And apparently another one called Dave and I "two peas in a pod." How cute that they know us together now by sight. I mean, we do go there for breakfast and dinner a lot. Last year too. It's habit now. And I enjoy having Dave wake me up, and see him at breakfast. No matter how grumpy I am, or annoyed that it took him so long. I love it.
I'm stressed mostly about scholarships. I have the HISP which I'm applying for in November, and I'm trying to figure out how I am going to PAY for Oxford. It's about $16,000. I've found some scholarships here and there, but the money is supposed to be due by the 12th of December. A lot of the scholarships aren't sent in until AFTER that. I don't really know what to do! I mean, every $500 helps...but how many $500's is that?! I have the UGA Alumni which goes to about $3000. The Arcadia, which goes to about $2500. The UGA Foundation isn't due until January (which doesn't help with inital payments, you IDIOTS!). There's another minimum of $500 one, so that could help.
I'm going to talk with a Study Abroad Advisor about China in the Summer, and I'm going to ask her for more Oxford scholarships and tell her the one's I've already found. Tell her my woes. IF the HISP doesn't cover everything, or I do get it, I have a few more up my sleeve for that too. So that's nice. Pretty much China is set. Now I just have to pick the program.
It's just...I WANT to go to Oxford, but I don't want to pay so much! Or rather, I don't want Uncle Jack to pay so much. And even if I work two jobs January-March until we go, it won't help with the inital payments. And Uncle Jack won't take the money back even if I mail it to him! Maybe I can come up with a secret plan? Have Grami get their bank information, or sneak them checks, or something. I'll have to be clever.
But I don't want it to come down to that.
Classes aren't HARD, per se. They're a lot of reading. I'm -mostly- keeping up. But it seems like just barely. Chinese is pretty awesome; just hard. But our teacher is amazing, and I can feel myself getting better at it. I hope.
I had a History paper due Tuesday, my first Roosevelt outline due Monday, and I have an International Affairs quiz Friday. Busy week, but not as busy as my roommates.
Housing and those people is an ENTIRELY different story.
I know I shouldn't be stressing out. And maybe it's just with introductory meetings going on...maybe I just want to DO something. Something big. Something that says "I'm a leader! I want to help the world! I want to DO something." But what? I feel like it's being done. By someone. And why would I want to compete with someone when I could help out their cause, which is at least similar to mine? I'm working on leadership roles, and I plan to talk to Dr. Williams about it too. I need to show him my face more: put a name to it at least. I figure that maybe he'll be able to give me some advice. Right?
I must say...as much as I'm looking forward to Oxford...the combination Oxford/China means that I probably won't see Dave for 6 months. Honestly, that's frightening. He threatened to tickle me earlier when I started crying. Then we watched Star Trek Voyager. Or maybe that was after.
Well, here's to sleep and me finishing my book so that I can move on to actual school books.
I'm already starting to get stressed. Frazzled. A least around the edges. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Dave, or Shannon for that matter. She's my best friend now. Well, save Dave. But he doesn't count.
The lady at the dining hall asked where my "shadow" was this morning. I was utterly confused for a minute and then smiled and said that he had overslept and that I was alone this morning. And apparently another one called Dave and I "two peas in a pod." How cute that they know us together now by sight. I mean, we do go there for breakfast and dinner a lot. Last year too. It's habit now. And I enjoy having Dave wake me up, and see him at breakfast. No matter how grumpy I am, or annoyed that it took him so long. I love it.
I'm stressed mostly about scholarships. I have the HISP which I'm applying for in November, and I'm trying to figure out how I am going to PAY for Oxford. It's about $16,000. I've found some scholarships here and there, but the money is supposed to be due by the 12th of December. A lot of the scholarships aren't sent in until AFTER that. I don't really know what to do! I mean, every $500 helps...but how many $500's is that?! I have the UGA Alumni which goes to about $3000. The Arcadia, which goes to about $2500. The UGA Foundation isn't due until January (which doesn't help with inital payments, you IDIOTS!). There's another minimum of $500 one, so that could help.
I'm going to talk with a Study Abroad Advisor about China in the Summer, and I'm going to ask her for more Oxford scholarships and tell her the one's I've already found. Tell her my woes. IF the HISP doesn't cover everything, or I do get it, I have a few more up my sleeve for that too. So that's nice. Pretty much China is set. Now I just have to pick the program.
It's just...I WANT to go to Oxford, but I don't want to pay so much! Or rather, I don't want Uncle Jack to pay so much. And even if I work two jobs January-March until we go, it won't help with the inital payments. And Uncle Jack won't take the money back even if I mail it to him! Maybe I can come up with a secret plan? Have Grami get their bank information, or sneak them checks, or something. I'll have to be clever.
But I don't want it to come down to that.
Classes aren't HARD, per se. They're a lot of reading. I'm -mostly- keeping up. But it seems like just barely. Chinese is pretty awesome; just hard. But our teacher is amazing, and I can feel myself getting better at it. I hope.
I had a History paper due Tuesday, my first Roosevelt outline due Monday, and I have an International Affairs quiz Friday. Busy week, but not as busy as my roommates.
Housing and those people is an ENTIRELY different story.
I know I shouldn't be stressing out. And maybe it's just with introductory meetings going on...maybe I just want to DO something. Something big. Something that says "I'm a leader! I want to help the world! I want to DO something." But what? I feel like it's being done. By someone. And why would I want to compete with someone when I could help out their cause, which is at least similar to mine? I'm working on leadership roles, and I plan to talk to Dr. Williams about it too. I need to show him my face more: put a name to it at least. I figure that maybe he'll be able to give me some advice. Right?
I must say...as much as I'm looking forward to Oxford...the combination Oxford/China means that I probably won't see Dave for 6 months. Honestly, that's frightening. He threatened to tickle me earlier when I started crying. Then we watched Star Trek Voyager. Or maybe that was after.
Well, here's to sleep and me finishing my book so that I can move on to actual school books.
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