Nothing But Nets Campaign

So on Feb. 9th, I donated $10 towards a bed net to help a refugee in Kenya. I couldn't not do it. They needed so many nets, and even if I'm going away and need all the money I could get, I could save a life!

I got an e-mail today from Nothing But Nets thanking me so much for my help. It was a little uplifting. To think I could have helped save someone. Or if not save them, at least make them a little more comfortable.

Find a charity, and try and give some of your Time, Talent, or Treasure. It's a rewarding experience, to say the least.

Some good ones:
Nothing But Nets
Invisible Children
Promote Africa
Habitat for Humanity
Resolve Uganda
This Is Reality
The We Campaign : RePower America
World Vision

If you have anymore, please feel free to share them.

Pro/Con

Living On-campus
Pros:
Location - especially right in front of busstop
Easier for Uncle Jack to pay - lump sum
Easier for study-abroad (no sub-leasing)


Cons:
No one on-campus
More expensive
"do whatever you want off-campus"
Don't get stove/washer/dryer
Less space
No refridgerator



Living Off-campus
Cons:
Transportation sucks
Probably have full-term lease/need to find subleaser

It's always about the problems

(I always feel like I have to have a witty title for the "Title" of the blog post...)

Problems today - at least the major ones:
1) CET Academics China Program
2) Housing


1. CET Academics
There are a couple problems with this one. I got a call today from CET asking that they wanted to talk briefly about my application. I knew this was bad news - if I were flat out accepted, they would have said so. They lady, Jean, said that I had been accepted to the program, but that CET was a little worried. My Chinese essay was weaker than they would have liked. They noticed my high GPA and other things and said they would be willing to accept me. However, I would have to work harder than the other students. Both before I left and when I got there. I would probably be spending more time preparing for class than the other students. Where they would spend 1 hour, I will need to spend 2. They just wanted to make sure that I was up to the challenge.
So I have to ask myself? Am I up for it. I'm nervous, excited, anxious - all in one. Do I think I can do it? I hope so. I think so. But do I know so? Well, it can't be worse than Japan, can it?
I clicked commit on my online application, and now I have so much stuff to do! This is where the next problem arises: CET wants me to send them my passport so they can process my visa to China. Umm...well, yeah...I'm going to London in a month and I kinda need my passport.
So I have to figure out how to get my Visa to China. I think tomorrow I'm going to e-mail CET and see what they recommend. I may have to apply for expediated services though for my Visa, since we don't have a consulate in Orlando. Damn. I may have to get it in the UK, but I'm afraid that I will have to be a U.K. citizen and well...I'm not.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.


2) Housing
I signed up today for Housing. I was hoping (and yes, a little hopefully) that I would be able to sign up in Myers and that I could reserve a space for Shannon. Not the case. Myers was filled up. So I looked through O'House and Soule, both of which had plenty of spots open. I picked one in Soule, and tried to reserve a space for Shannon. Couldn't. Call Shannon - tell her what I did, blah blah blah.
I check later, about an hour ago now, to see how many spaces are still left. None. I have a roommate listed - someone I don't know. And there are absolutly no spots.
So now what do I do?
Do I live on-campus, which is more convient for me, with a person that I don't know yet again. OR do I go live off-campus with Shannon? That way, we're living together and what-not. However, the location could suck. And I'll probably be driving everywhere. And, if I study in D.C. in the Spring, I'll have to find a sub-leaser.

What do I do?!

I am suddenly bombarded with lots of questions and problems.

Resume padding?

I'm afraid that when people look at my resume and they see the things I've done, they think I'm just padding my resume. They think that I'm just saying I'm in all these things, or if I'm actually in them, that I don't do much.

I don't feel like I'm doing enough though.

I don't know what to do though. I feel like I'm at a total loss, because frankly, I have no idea what to do. I want to be one of these people that invokes change and makes people go "wow!" and to feel like I've accomplished something.

But I don't feel like I'm doing that. I feel like I'm not doing anything important. That I go to meetings, and sit there and I'm not one of those people that actually do anything.

How can I be considered for the Pickering, or the Truman, or anything when I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. Ok, well, I've accomplished something, but it's not enough. It's not enough.

I'm looking at other scholarships - and it doesn't look too good. I'm tired of scholarships.

Did you know the Rhodes need 8 letters of recommendation?! That's insane!

I feel like I know what I want to do with my life, but at the same time, I don't. I know I want to help people: but how? International Development? Well then, shouldn't I be going to Uganda or some African country or to Thailand or something like that.

How can I change the world? How can I be special, be someone, in this sea of humanity?

Classes for the next two years

I have a problem.

I took 19 hours last semester, and with clubs and a job, it killed me. They weren't all even hard classes, but just a lot of work.

However, as I'm signing up for classes in just over a month, I'm not quite sure what to do.

I am signed up to take 2 INTL courses, which will complete that major's classes. I also must take a CHNS/CMLT class for my minor, however I won't know which one to do until I get back from the summer. I also have to take 2 ECON courses before I graduate, and I was thinking of doing that with Dave next semester, since he said he was interested. Well, I would do one of those classes, not both. So that's 4 classes, which is 12 hours, plus continuing research with Dr. Tessman - 3 hours, plus HTA which is 1 hour (HONS 4000H). That's 16 hours right there.

Here's the catch: I really need to take HIST courses.

So do I not take a ECON course with Dave (he may not be able to do it anyway) and take a HIST course? Or take 19 hours?

The thing is, is if I take 19 hours now, I can get away with taking only 15-16 hours a semester from now on. That'll be really nice, I think. It would be 15 hours every Spring, and 16 hours every Fall, if I continue being an HTA. And that would include research.

But if I don't take 19 hours now, then I'll have to take 18 hours some other Spring, and if I go away next Spring and can't take so many courses because of an internship, I could have to take 18 hours my last semester here...

I'm not quite sure what to do from here though.

Maybe if I get the Pickering, and therefore don't have to work, then I should take 19 hours, and if not, then I should just take 16 hours with the HIST class, not the ECON class.

Then in Spring, if I go to DC, have a directed reading for HIST, HIST or ECON, and CMLT/CHNS? Then I'd have to take ECON both semesters my senior year. I'm not quite sure how I like that...

These are sorts of questions for advisors, isn't it? I'm just not quite sure what to do...I think I'm going to have to wait to make my decision after the Pickering results are out (if I even got an interview) and how I do/did in China. Because if I can get 3 credits in China, then I only need 2 more, so maybe I won't take a CMLT/CHNS class when I get back?

Boo.

Things to work on:

I feel like Lent is coming up faster than I expected. So, I have begun thinking of things I'd like to work on.

Also, I feel like, without classes, my brain has gone to mush. I can't remember certain words, can't seem to get anything productive done, can't help with synonyms. I really do not like it much.

Anyway, back to the original point of this.
1) Read a chapter of something everyday.
2) Wake up and read the news every morning.
3) Read a part of the Bible everyday - I feel like as a Catholic, I don't do this enough; however, the President on The West Wing can quote the Bible and he's a Catholic.

I also intend to, every Friday from now until I leave, to go to the SLC/somewhere and study Chinese. It's the only class I'm auditing right now and I haven't done anything. I should actually go do stuff now. ha.

Am I suited to work in the White House someday? Or work for the State Department? Or do what I want to do? I think so...but am I courageous enough.

I have come to rely too much on spellchecker.

One of the Fathers at my church today asked me to read the Passion at the Vigil Mass. How exciting! However...I'll be in Oxford! I am a little upset by that, but I do still have two years left here.

Also, I'm not sure how I should feel about the Pickering. I think I did my best, which is really all I can do. But at the same time, I'm one that feels much too much. I feel like I should be feeling something. When, in fact, I don't.

And now I've procrastinated enough.

Because I'm in the reading room:

I figured when I read a good article, I would comment on it.

Obama Calls for Expansion of Faith Program - N.Y. Times
I agree with most of the sentiments in this article, especially the quote from President Obama. The question I have is: will people, especially fundamentalist leaders of all religions see to this point? A lot of fundamentalists (and some non-) believe that the real message of their prophet/God/whatever is not necessarily love and tolerance and comfort, but one of evangelization and promoting their religion over any other.

Honestly, I think, as a Catholic, that we're doing a pretty good job of staying away from that message. (I don't mean to ruffle feathers, but it's the truth.) I feel like a lot of Catholics now-a-days, either to promote a message of peace and love and Jesus all at the same time, would rather simply do good deeds. I feel like one day, when I'm doing good deeds and someone asks me why I do them and how I find strength that I say "Jesus and God" and that my good deeds, good attitude, and compassion would show the true strength of Jesus and religion. I hope I never slam religion in someone's face.

Anyway...I didn't even know we had a Faith Office! How interesting! Doesn't that, though, defeat the State vs. Religion statement in the constitution? Which is kind of a big deal, right? I think as long as no religion is promoted over another one then it would be alright though. I think Obama wants all religion equal, given equal money (or at least fair money) to all, etc. Which I think, does not break the bounds of Government vs. Religion.


I don't have audio on this computer, but this looks hilarious: The District - Obama's First 100 days.


Side note about goals for myself: remembering the names of people's articles that I read. I was at an NIF yesterday here at school discussing healthcare and it seemed like a couple people were just throwing around these names. I really need to read more CNN/Times/etc. and get a hang of these names! Maybe that's what I'll do on Fridays. Just read papers...all day long!


This article, near the end, talks about the bailed-out companies making a "mockery of taxpayers." I must say, I agree. I am happy about what Obama did, though I think it should be heightened even more. He decided that senior executives could only make $500,000 a year at one of the bailed-out Wall-Street companies (favorite line in this article: "I’m going to guess that if top employees of teetering banks aren’t willing to work for reduced pay, there’s a long line of people who would happily take their place. Go ahead – make their day: walk away from the executive chambers"). That still seems like a lot, to me. I am glad the lower-downs aren't being punished. But what more could he do? I think he could mandate somehow that certain things could not be done for a certain amount of time (like until they paid back the government?) such as the grand parties and conferences the article references. Though I am partially libertarian, there are times when companies (such as these) need a little spanking. Or a big one.

However, this article makes good counterarguments. Why $500,000? Why not $300,000? That makes sense. This is a reactionary response, but at the moment, I think it's needed to calm the American people as well as to teach big businesses that try to over-step their bounds, that they can have legislation passed against them. I do agree with Ms. Fiorina that CEO salaries should be trasnparent and available for all to see. Maybe, like all government workers, business should share what their hightest employees make in a single year, and the government should know exactly what it's being spent on? Does privledge like these businessmen possess need to have a watch-dog on it? Does it come with certain "obligations"?


I just re-read some Radical Feminist views on Firefly. It just makes me want to re-watch the series. Am I trained by the patriarchy?

In the Libertarian side of things, I agree with this article's take on the Carbon Tax. It makes sense to me, that when companies purchase carbon credits, and if they -or another company- goes over that limit, they must pay a heavy fine, will do a lot to stimulate the economy. Or at least help it progress in a Green direction. However, I think Obama pushing Green (though it may turn into pork - which I hate) is not a bad idea either.

Is this enough for now?

Productivity!

Instead of being mopey and such, I'm going to go through what the Republicans said was a waste in the new stimulus bill and disagree/agree. (When I say "disagree" I am disagreeing with the Republicans wanting to cut it - meaning I like the idea in the bill).

• $2 billion earmark to re-start FutureGen, a near-zero emissions coal power plant in Illinois that the Department of Energy defunded last year because it said the project was inefficient.
Maybe: I like the idea of a near-zero emissions coal power plant, but if you go on The We Campaign, they have videos and information on the fact that coal cannot be clean, that is, near zero-emissions. Or at least, it's practically impossible. The thing is, could it be worth it in the future? Zero-emissions are always good, and maybe the project would develop into something that would cause all coal producers to be like this.

• A $246 million tax break for Hollywood movie producers to buy motion picture film.
Agree: I don't think Hollywood needs tax breaks, but that's just me.

• $650 million for the digital television converter box coupon program.
Disagree: If the government wants people to change the way they get TV, they should provide the funding for it - which, actually, is just us buying it for ourselves anyway. But why give the government more money? And honestly, people won't be able to afford it at this time.

• $88 million for the Coast Guard to design a new polar icebreaker (arctic ship).
Maybe: I think this could be put on hold for now. I read somewhere (CNN?) that the Arctic is melting much, much faster than they expected, with most of the ice gone by 2013. Why would we need a new polar icebreaker? I would want Obama to speak with some Arctic scientists and environmentalists and see what the consensus is. Because right now, there is a lot of vying for Arctic land. -coughoilcough-

• $448 million for constructing the Department of Homeland Security headquarters.
Agree: Why do they need a new one? I need this explained more before I'd buy it. UPDATED: I have been informed that in fact, they don't have anything. Oops. But could we cut a little on the cost. I think they would need a little place to work though.

• $248 million for furniture at the new Homeland Security headquarters.
Agree: Can't they use the old furniture? Or how about recycled furniture? Or what about yard sales?

• $600 million to buy hybrid vehicles for federal employees.
Disagree: This is a great thing. I think it'll set a good precedent for the American people, show other governments that the USA does care about the environment, and save the government more money for better things.

• $400 million for the Centers for Disease Control to screen and prevent STD's.
Disagree: Fantastic. If teenagers or people in general are going to be more sexually active, let's at least keep them safe and healthy.

• $1.4 billion for rural waste disposal programs.
Disagree: I like this idea. I think I would need to see it laid out more, the implementation and ideas for it, but it sounds like it would be a good thing.

• $125 million for the Washington sewer system.
Maybe: If the Washington sewer system sucks, then it should be taken care of. But does the government need to do that with this bill?

• $150 million for Smithsonian museum facilities.
Maybe: I love the Smithsonian, and I think updating its facilities would attract more people, would could educate more people, and spark ideas in younger children. However, $150 million seems like a lot.

• $1 billion for the 2010 Census, which has a projected cost overrun of $3 billion.
Disagree: Wow, that's a lot...but don't we need a Census?

• $75 million for "smoking cessation activities."
Maybe: What does this mean? What does this entail? I think advocating for people to give up smoking is a good thing, so if this targets awareness and such, I like it. Sometimes people need that extra hand - I'm not saying to start forcing people to stop smoking (the government can't tell people to stop, only give them the information).

• $200 million for public computer centers at community colleges.
Disagree: Fantastic. This is what a lot of CC's need. A lot of schools in general.

• $75 million for salaries of employees at the FBI.
Agree: Don't they already get paid? They work for the FBI, they don't need a salary.

• $25 million for tribal alcohol and substance abuse reduction.
Disagree: I think if the Native American's need it, the government should provide help and information and centers for this kind of thing. They are Americans too.

• $500 million for flood reduction projects on the Mississippi River.
Disagree: Uh, duh. Did they see Katrina?

• $10 million to inspect canals in urban areas.
Disagree: Something like 60% of all bridges are in disrepair. Let's look at the canals, too. If we want a strong America, let's make sure everything inside is working properly.

• $6 billion to turn federal buildings into "green" buildings.
Disagree: Fantastic idea! The government should be the head of the train when it comes to environmentalism

• $500 million for state and local fire stations.
Maybe: Is this a Federal vs. State government thing? I mean, I think the government should help fire stations, but shouldn't it be up to the State to decide how much is given?

• $650 million for wildland fire management on forest service lands.
Disagree: It's National forest land, then yes, this is good. Don't want fires spreading everywhere, do we?

• $1.2 billion for "youth activities," including youth summer job programs.
Disagree: Love this idea! This is a way to get our youth involved with government and various other programs. Good idea!

• $88 million for renovating the headquarters of the Public Health Service.
Maybe: Honestly, don't know enough about the problems.

• $412 million for CDC buildings and property.
Maybe: See above comment.

• $500 million for building and repairing National Institutes of Health facilities in Bethesda, Maryland.
Maybe: Again, see above.

• $160 million for "paid volunteers" at the Corporation for National and Community Service.
Disagree: I mean, this could be some people's only source of income, or that little extra source. And they're helping the National and Community all at once. Don't they deserve it?

• $5.5 million for "energy efficiency initiatives" at the Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration.
Maybe: I don't know what this means.

• $850 million for Amtrak.
Maybe: If it's to try and get Amtrak green, or to develop some kind of bullet train or more public transportation - yes. If not, then no.

• $100 million for reducing the hazard of lead-based paint.
Maybe: Could the government mandate this is some other way and let the market take care of it? I think getting companies to do this would be a better idea and not waste government money.

• $75 million to construct a "security training" facility for State Department Security officers when they can be trained at existing facilities of other agencies.
Maybe: Ohhhhh....I like the idea - but I see the Repubs. point to it too. I think the amount could be downgraded a bit. Maybe build just a small portion for right now? Or redo some of the older buildings?

• $110 million to the Farm Service Agency to upgrade computer systems.
Disagree: I kind of wrote a whole paper about how a lot of Farmers need computer access...so I'm gunna have to say a yes to this provision.

• $200 million in funding for the lease of alternative energy vehicles for use on military installations.
Disagree: What do Republicans have against alternative energy? Seriously guys.

Total:
Agree: 4
Maybe: 13
Disagree: 15

I think that still makes me an Independent - right? hahaha.

I didn't get it.

As I type this, I am kind of numb. I've cried my eyes out for the past twenty-four hours, and when I walk into Moore tomorrow for my HTA interview, I'll probably tear up again.

I feel betrayed by them, because of the reasons and things I'm hearing. I want to know if they even looked at my application. Did they just look at my GPA and major and decide whether or not I got an interview? Did they see how much work I've put into everything I've done. Did they see I have a job? That I have good grades? That I have worked my ass off?

I want to scream and cry and feel bitter. But at the moment, I just want to sleep. I'm tired. I'm hurt. It feels as if all my dreams have come crashing down on me. I am a person strengthened by goals, a person that is passionate and focused. Yet, whenever it comes time for me to achieve my best goals, I fail.

People keep saying that I should learn something from this, that there is always something to be learned. I don't think there is. I tried better than my best. I was everything they were looking for in a candidate. I did so many things, I had leadership, research for a year and a half, I worked, I made spectacular grades. I was fucking awesome.

And what did it get me?

Nothing.

I'm back from where I started. My major wasn't right. My GPA just wasn't high enough. I just wasn't right?

Why not? Why not?

I may figure out tomorrow.

I may not.

Takes on pro-choice

I've seen bumper stickers on cars that say "You can't be Catholic and pro-choice."

I'm sorry. I think I can.

First of all, though I am Catholic, not everyone is. America is a melting pot of people and religions and thoughts. I think that the government should promote healthy births, and adoptions. However, whether or not the government supports it, makes it legal, or makes it illegal, there are women out there that will have an abortion. The question then becomes: do we want women to kill themselves in the process of abortion or do we want to protect them?

Also, how is it right for a government to make a woman who has been raped to carry that child when it could put awful psychological strain on the woman. Or what if the woman has complications and may die in childbirth? How can the government not help her by offering an abortion.

There are people who say that if abortions are legalized, woman will be more promiscuous and have more abortions. I don't think this will happen. Maybe just because I have faith in humanity. But I'm not sure. I'd like to see studies from other countries that have legalized abortion and the rates that change.

But that's just my opinion. My Catholic, pro-choice opinions.

Good news and bad news.

Good news: I got an interview for an HTA. But, honestly, I expected it. (Wow, how's THAT for an ego?) I did well last year, Dr. Kleiber knows me, I have a good GPA/etc. Though apparently there are three times as more applicants than there are spaces. I wonder why they just don't have more HTA's and fewer spaces? Maybe I should ask that?

Bad news: I didn't get the SPIA scholarship for Oxford. The rejection letter was very nice, and out of 20 people, they only chose 1 person. But, that means I'm so far 3 for 4 for losing scholarships. Not very good. Also, what is it about me, or my essays, or anything, that makes me fail at scholarships. Why can't I just be good enough for something? I guess I did get the STARS position...who knows how many went for that. Probably only a few. And I know two of us got jobs.

I did have an interview today for a Habitat Board position. I think I'm qualified and would fit in, but we'll see. They didn't ask, but I told them I was going away after Spring Break. I wonder if that'll have a factor.

We're going to see a Noh play tonight. I think that'll be really cool. Tomorrow's going to be relatively boring. Boo. Some meetings, Chinese, gymnastics meet at 7:30. I do have to finish my Pickering essay by 11:00 tomorrow for Jessica. I'd like to edit it at least three times before I show it to her. It's just...not happening.

I also am having something problems with the Bursar and my account. So I have to go talk to them tomorrow. It's weird.

And it's almost impossible to find a job. Srsly. It sucks.

Obama drafted legislation for Guantanamo. That's awesome. He's starting right away and starting strong. A great idea. It'll make him and America look good. I think this is going to look good in the eyes of the world too.

That's it. Still probably won't be another couple of weeks till I hear about the midterm. Probably right after I turn in my Pickering application, which is due on the 6th. I really hope I get the Incentive Scholarship from the Oxford Office. I could use the money for books/food/travel. Or at least a little bit of travel. Because right now, I have nadda. Or, very little.

Yes we Can!

I wasn't a huge supporter for Obama. In fact, I didn't really care until about a month before the election. I knew I didn't want Hilary. I knew my family was going to chose McCain (though my Ma was tettering). I was thinking of going for a third-party candidate. I wasn't influenced much by Obama's speeches, or anything more than his website. Not even the fact that Biden is Catholic.

But after watching the inauguration, I feel that same sense of hope. That when my time to get a job comes (and it will probably be for the government), I won't have screw-ups to fix, I won't go into things blindly, or not be proud to be an American.

I am hopeful. And really, that's what we need in times like this.

Good luck, Mr. Kennedy. Stay strong.

It's the heart that counts, right?

I know I complain about the same exact things over and over again. I'm sure what I'm about to write now, I've written before (I'm going to check after I write this). But it's a reoccurring problem, and something that I can't seem to control or change.

First of all, the question of "am I good enough?" I have an idea of people who are going to at least get interviews for the MidTerm. I think two of the three have 4.0's. I do not. It won't even be possible to graduate with a 4.0. I'm going to strive for a 3.9, but that might even be hard. I do have a job, which I don't think they do. I do participate in a lot of extracurricular (and even without school, there's a lot of them) activities, but is that enough? I shouldn't compare myself with people. I've done my hardest. I've worked my hardest. I've done everything I could. Dave said a GPA "is just one or many attempts to capture some aspect of yourself." He's right. I'm defined by so much more than a number. I suppose that's what a resume is for. And recommendations.

Dr. Tessman asked me when I went to pick up my recommendation from him how I thought it went - the writing and all that. I fidgeted nervously. I think I did alright. But I wish I could've put an experience from Japan in there. Or mentioned my summer trip at all. I didn't do that...I will in the Pickering, but the essay is different and supports that kind of style. It's on my resume...but people applying for it went all over the world.

What makes me so special?

Also, I'm debating whether or not to get a 2nd job. I sure could use the money, picking up random shifts here and there, or on weekends. But, I have Promote Africa, Invisible Children, Habitat, and Roosevelt. I would like to be on the board for Habitat and Roosevelt next semester. So that means hard work in those. I am working 20 hours a week already at 2 jobs on campus. Doing errands and meetings and such. I am trying to audit the Chinese class. I need to continue to edit my Roosevelt paper to have it publish-worthy. I would like to help Dr. Tessman with his research. I mean, is a second job all that necessary? Well, I sure could use the money. But isn't that too much. I'll have to talk to people about that.

Maybe it's friends that worry me. I think I want to be friends with certain people: as in hang out with them, be "one of them." Ouch. How very pathetic of me. Wanting to "follow the crowd" or be with the "in-group." Shouldn't I just be friends with people I want to be friends with? Shouldn't it not matter? I guess there is just some basic part of me that still feels that need and is envious of others. I don't act on it, so I suppose I don't want it that much. My subconscious is much cooler than my conscious.

Oh! I worked on my website over the break for the Midterm Application. It's really cool. Well, I like it. Dave helped me a lot too. I have two more pages to complete and that's about it! I still have to figure how I want them set up and what I should have on there. I feel like I need a "hobbies" page or a "pictures" page. Maybe both? That'd be nice to have pictures of high-school activities and things I like doing now. Hmmm...

Also,

Let's look back on scholarships:
Alumni N
Schafer N
HISP (Courts) Y
MidTerm ?
Incentive : due 30 Jan.
Phi Kappa Can't do.
CET Academics (2 different ones) : due after I get accepted
Franklin College Can't do.
Murphy Can't do.
IEW Can't do.
Pickering Fellowship : due 6 Feb.
Petters : due 10 Feb.

I am kind of glad that some of them I can't do because of requirements (must be a UGA study abroad program, or used between these times...) because that way I don't have to continually ask the same people for a recommendation. I wouldn't feel so bad if I still had the two teachers I would've had for recs stay on campus! But, oh well.