I didn't get it.

As I type this, I am kind of numb. I've cried my eyes out for the past twenty-four hours, and when I walk into Moore tomorrow for my HTA interview, I'll probably tear up again.

I feel betrayed by them, because of the reasons and things I'm hearing. I want to know if they even looked at my application. Did they just look at my GPA and major and decide whether or not I got an interview? Did they see how much work I've put into everything I've done. Did they see I have a job? That I have good grades? That I have worked my ass off?

I want to scream and cry and feel bitter. But at the moment, I just want to sleep. I'm tired. I'm hurt. It feels as if all my dreams have come crashing down on me. I am a person strengthened by goals, a person that is passionate and focused. Yet, whenever it comes time for me to achieve my best goals, I fail.

People keep saying that I should learn something from this, that there is always something to be learned. I don't think there is. I tried better than my best. I was everything they were looking for in a candidate. I did so many things, I had leadership, research for a year and a half, I worked, I made spectacular grades. I was fucking awesome.

And what did it get me?

Nothing.

I'm back from where I started. My major wasn't right. My GPA just wasn't high enough. I just wasn't right?

Why not? Why not?

I may figure out tomorrow.

I may not.