All that stuff you don't want to think about

I know Mom and Dave and everyone else have told me to chill out. To take things as they come and to look around me to make sure I'm not missing any doors.

And honestly, I'm trying. It's just hard.

The Mid-term Fellowship Application came out today. Unexpectedly early. I was excited, nervous, scared, happy all at once.

I found out my summer program, with flights is going to cost about $9000. That was a little bit of a shock, and now I'm scrambling for money for that one. I don't know if any of my financial aid can go towards that. Maybe it can? But I don't need more loans...

The list of scholarships to do is as follows:
Schafer
HISP (Courts)
MidTerm
Incentive
Phi Kappa
CET Academics (2 different ones)
Franklin College
Murphy
IEW
Pickering Fellowship

I think that's it. Which, unfortunately, doesn't seem like enough. The Alumni scholarship I found out only 1 person gets. Do I think that I would've tried harder if I had known that? No. I believe I did my best. There's nothing more I can do now except look for more scholarships, and if I get the Midterm and am allowed to keep the HISP (if I get that as well), to use some of that study abroad money towards this China program.

I just...I want it to work.