Institue for Humane Studies

I have had more theory in my life than I've ever had ever before. Really and truly. And more Economics than I've done since Senior year in high-school, and probably more in this past two days than I did all year. 

I'm absolutly amazed that I got in to this and that I'm doing it, really.

I didn't realize how huge of a thing this IHS is. My Ma was worried I would have to pay for it though it said it was free, and I was afraid that a) it would be boring or b) it would be a cult group. It is in fact, none of the above.

I got here on Saturday with my Dad, checked-in, blah-blah, and the conference got right to work. There are people from China, Singapore, Romania, Mexico, all over the place, here! We have professors speaking from the UK, Australia, California, and Hawaii. It really is fascinating.

I love the lectures. I love the dicussions...but at the same time, I'm missing something. I'm trying to be social. I'm trying to have fun, sound smart, and be social. I, apparently, am none of these things. I feel like I talk to much, so then I don't talk at all. I'm afraid of sounding stupid, so I sometimes say nothing. There are people that know so much more than I do, that I don't feel qualified to speak. I am not as passionate as some of these people. I do not have an opinion on some of these matters. And frankly, I'm nervous about going into my profession where there are so many things WRONG.

I am excited because one of the lecturer, Sallie James from Austrailia working with the CATO Institute, is doing 3 lectures on agricultural subsidies! Why is that exciting, you ask? Because that's what I'm doing for my Roosevelt Scholars class. I went to speak with her after her first lecture, and was stuttering and thanking her and overall looking like an idiot. She did however sit next to me at lunch today. I think she may have forgotten.

But I miss Dave. I miss my Dad. I miss my friends. I'm trying to be social, but no one is interested in me. They're interested in my major, perhaps, and what I think about what our lecturers are saying...but that's not me. And I'm so overwhelmed that I sometimes just sit there stupidly. I have nothing interesting to say. I do not stick out. I am not special.

I finished the manga series Absolute Boyfriend and Riiko, the main character, said all she wanted was someone to tell her she was special. I want that from someone. Not Dave, not my Dad, but someone. I want someone to tell me I'm pretty, that I'm intellectual, and I want them to fall in love with me. Of course, I'd end up breaking there heart and then feeling like an awful person for wanting that but...it's nice when someone you don't know tells you that you're special.

I guess I just have to keep telling myself that.

I'm going to San Fransisco tomorrow as we have a free day after lunch for the whole evening. I'm going with a girl from China, MiaoMiao (yes, it's pronounced like the sound a cat makes). She's very nice, and she asked if she could go with me. I, of course, said yes. Who knows if we'll go with anyone else or what we'll do.

I guess we'll see.